I hopped on the scale the other day out of curiosity.
I was feeling strong and alive in my body from the increased swimming and paddle boarding of summer. Perhaps I had lost a few pounds.
With shock and surprise the scale indicated my weight was at an all time high. I hadn’t seen that number on the scale since I was pregnant with my daughter.
I’m on the other side of the big birthday that comes at midlife so my body has been changing over the last year or so which included some incremental weight gain. By and large I’ve been at peace with these changes. While not perfect I eat well and get regular exercise so my weight has not been that big of a concern.
I don’t like to admit it but stepping on that scale and seeing that number initiated a panic in me.
I had passed the magic number in my mind that tells me I’m okay – that I’m worthwhile and desirable.
It got me thinking about all the other magic numbers we as women have acquired in our lives. Those are the numbers that keep us feeling safe, desirable and worthy of love and well-being.
How about you? Do you know your magic number?
Perhaps it’s the balance in your bank account; your jean size, or bra size; your age; your ZIP code; your salary; the items completed on your to do list; the number of likes on your Facebook post; or your child’s class rank?
Do you think about them often or do they get your attention only when you find yourself below or beyond that magic number?
If you’re like me once I crossed that threshold it cued the self-rejection. And a fearful scrambling to cross back to the safety zone and make it right.
How unfortunate given the fact I had been feeling so vibrant and alive in my body just before stepping onto that scale. I gave up my joy and vibrancy to something empty and hollow. I surrendered it to an old story that said I’m only safe, desirable and worthwhile if my body looks a certain way. The story has nothing to do with how it feels and everything to do with how it looks.
How about the story behind your magic number?
How does it confine, control or cut you off?
How does it tell you you’re not good enough unless you…?
Wouldn’t it be nice to be truly free of that old story and standard? To instead live what feels good to your body, heart and soul? I think so!
I’m committing to that for myself! I’m also gathering a group of women this October who are ready to join me in rewriting our old stories and releasing those old confining standards. We’ll gather virtually through my new online course: No Apology Necessary! You Are Enough. (exactly as you are).
Come join the online circle and release what leaves you feeling less than or apologizing for who you are and fill up with what feels good in your body and soul.
For me, I’ll continue to eat well, joyfully move my body and stay far away from my scale.
I’d love to have you join me.