Welcome to Trust Your Sacred Feminine Flow.
Each month on the podcast, I share my emerging wisdom about embodying our sovereignty, changing our world, and becoming the women we were born to be.
As our times become more polarized and divisive it can be easy to react and want to fight for what we believe in. But I recently discovered there is another, more empowered way. A way to respond from our vision and capacity to create a new more positive outcome. Listen to my story and it’s surprising and miraculous outcome.
Also mentioned in this episode:
Janet Evergreen at https://www.janetevergreen.com/
Kaia Ra at https://www.kaiara.com/
Listen to Hold your Vision & Resist the Fight by clicking the play button on the audio player below.
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Read the Full Transcript Here:
Hello and welcome beloved. It’s such a delight to be with you again. We’ve almost made it to the end of the year. The close of the year is just about upon us. And as we prepare to enter 2021, I was guided to offer some higher wisdom to navigate these challenging times. I wanted to talk with you about reacting, responding, what we choose to engage with in our lives and what is possible. So I’m guided to share an experience that happened to me earlier this fall. And I was clear from the very start that this was a destined experience. It felt like all the time roads led to me having this experience. And so when I found myself in the midst of it, I was curious to see how it was going to play out. And as most things happen in our lives, it was pretty mundane and ordinary.
My daughter and I were out for the evening. She had wanted to go out because she was feeling a little bit stir crazy. And as it turned out, we had a new Trader Joe’s that was opening that day. And it was much anticipated. We were very excited and I suggested that we go there just to get out of the house and to see what, see what it was like. And we had run a few errands before we made our way to Trader Joe’s, but as we were driving my daughter spotted a parking spot and said, Oh, look, princess parking. And I would have chosen another spot, but the way had been blocked by a vehicle that was broken down. And so she invited me to take this spot that was at the very front in the very beginning. And I pulled right on in.
We went in, we did our shopping with joy and glee at the new shiny Trader Joe’s. That was just a few miles down the road, instead of all the way across the river, as we had been having to, having to do for years. And then we stopped and we got ice cream and we got back in the car ready to go home. And as I pulled out of the parking spot, it sounded like I was dragging a bunch of heavy boxes with me and I hit the brake. I got out and I looked and I noticed that there was this tall peg, this metal piece of rebar that had been left from the construction work they had been doing to prepare the store and the parking lot for the grand opening. And it had pulled the lip of my bumper and torn the driver’s side off. And again, as I said, at the beginning, I was clear that this was destiny. I was curious, I will say I was a little bit in shock, but I was curious, like, what is this about? And okay, I guess this is what we’re exploring right now in my life.
So as I was a bit in shock, I didn’t even occur to me to go into the store and let them know. I just began to make my way home. And the moment I pulled out onto the four lane road, it was clear that I couldn’t drive home as things were. And so I pulled off to the side and was getting out the blinking lights my husband had put in my trunk for just such an occasion. And almost immediately, this car pulled up behind me. I assumed it was a police car, but instead this young Hispanic man got out of the car and proceeded to just dive into securing the bumper so that it was safe to drive home. It was quite dark, but we made our way home. And once I got there decided to call the store and let them know what was happening.
And they suggested, I call back tomorrow and speak to the manager, which I did. Who then referred me to the landlord, the folks who were in charge of maintaining the property that they could help me out, they would be responsible. And the thing that I was clear about when all this occurred was I had the deepest sense of peace because I knew this was destined I knew that it was all going to be resolved and not at any cost to me or my family. We had just had some rather large expenditures. And I was clear that we were not just going to file insurance and throw money at this. That there was something that was meant to occur with this experience. And so I assumed from my mind’s perspective, that okay, that these people I’m being referred to are going to take responsibility.
It’s going to get all tied up quite easily. And that’s how our mind works. It forms beliefs about how things are going to happen, how they should happen, but guess what? That’s not how it happened. The landlord was not any way happy or excited to assist me with this. In fact, he kept putting me off and urging me to go through my own insurance company, which I was not willing to do. So I will say throughout the course of this back and forth with him, I could feel a steely resolve, developing within me. A resolve of you are not going to push me over. You are not going to get me to yield. I was feeling a bit like I was getting patted on the head and like, all right, little Missy, this is what you need to do. And it just made me dig my heels in further that I was not going to back down about this.
And part of the equation was that when I notified my husband about what had occurred, he urged me to go and take a photo of this piece of rebar and to have that just in case. And I will say, I poo-pooed that a little bit, but at his insistence, we went together and took the photo. And as it turned out just a few days later, the landlord sent me a photo of the spot and of the rebar and what they had done was they had trimmed it or repaired it so that it went from the four to five inch piece of rebar sticking up that had caught my bumper down to a little half-inch. And so they were suggesting that perhaps the fault was mine and the problem was mine. And that really, it was all my fault. And I received that message as I was sitting in my dentist chair, and I can assure you, there were fumes pouring out of my ears. And I was enraged.
I was enraged like, hell to the, no, you are not going to put this on me. You are not going to put this on me. Ah, and at the same time, I still had this deep sense of clarity that it was all going to be well and taking care of. And again, that it was, it was not a situation where I needed to yield. So my mind and my ego and my emotional body was getting very attached to things going a certain way. And the day after my big explosion in the dental chair, I was out for a walk and I was saying my prayers, and I was praying about this issue and actually offered a prayer for the landlord. And not long after he called me. And he said that he had spoken to the person in his organization because all I kept requesting was just getting their insurance information.
And he walked me through what, from their standpoint, they needed me to do. And then I went back and called my own insurance broker, who was willing to talk off the record. And he offered the possibility that I could take them to small claims court just to get them to deal with me. And I was prepared to do that. He said, but before you can do it, you need to find out what the cost of the damages are. So go ahead, take it to the body shop and have them take a look at it. So I did that fuming and hell bent for leather that I was going to have justice.
Well, here’s what happened about two days later, my husband called me and he said, you’ll never guess what? And I said, what? He said, the body shop Jimmy from the body shop has said, they’re going to do this work for free.
And I said, really? And he said, yeah, really, it’s a relatively simple fix. And they’re just going to go ahead and take care of it for free. He also said, I don’t know what you did to make this happen, but I hope you can do it more in our lives. And so I laughed. So as I said, it all turned out just as, just as my knowing had foretold, not even predicted. It just was a clear, it was a clear, there was no doubt that it was all going to get resolved. And then I was left with some bitterness and anger at the landlord and a desire to want to punish him and to make him pay and for him not to get away with it. And I went round and round a bit with this and sat with it in my own prayer and meditation, just to get clear, because as I said at the beginning, I knew that this experience was destiny for me.
And on the one hand, I can feel the truth that it did activate the inner advocate within me and the inner fight within me, that would be willing to go to the mat that would be willing to go to small claims court, to take a stand for myself. And I also was shown, I was shown a different way. I was shown a way of empowerment. That was not about getting caught up in the fight that was about holding the vision, holding the higher vision of what is possible. And while we are at this point in our history collectively, where there is so much provocation, so much polarity, so much reactivity and intensity, to me, it felt like the invitation was to recognize that there was another way. That it is not required that we engage or that I engage in the fight. And that’s not to say that there are not times that standing up being an advocate is not necessary, but it is the added fuel of getting caught up in the righteous anger, the added fuel of the cheap thrill of empowerment that comes from feeling angry after having felt disempowered for so long.
And I can tell you that there were moments when I was feeling that sense of impotent rage, the impotent rage that comes with having been victimized in my life, which I have. I have a history of complex trauma and a number of those experiences were connected to personalities and characters, very similar to this landlord. And the belief that somehow I needed to make them force them. Uh, uh, that, that was my only path to power is a set up. So in that place where we need to convince others, make them see, make them do, fill in the blank, whether it’s one other person or whether it is, uh, someone in power or a whole group of people. It’s that false sense of power that comes from, I see a sword in my hand, what is it called when they, uh, rattled the sabers, as they say, rattling the sabers.
And for those of us who have a history of trauma or complex trauma, part of the journey through healing is reclaiming our fight and our capacity to fight, the impulse to fight. And I am not in any way discounting or diminishing that. But what I am also saying is that there is a next step. There is a next step in our development where we don’t need to go to battle where we can stand in the truth of our vision, where we can hold the vibration of what it is that we are creating and what our vision is, and whether it is writing the wrong or seeing a higher way for us collectively to get lived together, that we can be an embodiment for that and not get swept up into a, I’m going to say lower level vibration of, of the fight, that fight that comes when we’re caught in duality.
So the other piece that I want to offer is, is just related to the emotions, the emotions that get activated in us when we’re feeling reactive, or when we see something and it is just a full on, NO, I do not accept this. I will not accept this. And I know, you know, what I’m speaking to when I mentioned that. And that can be a point where we feel the temptation to go into whether it’s rattling our sabers, or just going off, like being reactive and discharging the anger rather than using it to fuel the vision. So, one of the ways that I have learned to work with those feelings, and sometimes we do need to just do the physical discharge in a safe way, in a safe place, whether it is going, running, whether it is going into the water and just using the force and the power of our muscles to swim as fast and hard as we can or stomping around or chopping wood.
Sometimes we do need to let that destructive Kali force out of us in safe ways that are not harmful to us or others. But another piece that has been offered to me by my embodiment mentor is that we each have the capacity to object. She teaches , can we object without contracting the physical body? And for me, I have taken her words and I have used that term. I object, and I use it anytime I need to. When something is occurring that I cannot be a yes to, it doesn’t mean I have to go into the fight and wrestle with it, but I can register my objection with the universe, with the other person within myself, just to be heard. I object.The other day, my daughter and I were running out again to do some errands. And we pulled up to the corner of a, of a major street that takes us out of our neighborhood.
And we pulled up and there was a huge stand of trees that has been there for forever, for as long as we’ve lived in the house. And we pulled up and it was gone. It had been clear cut, and we were both devastated and upset and we gave voice to it. And I said, repeatedly, I object. I object to you cutting down those trees. I object. And I take those passionate feelings and I use them to fuel my work and my vision. And it takes me beyond that old feeling of victimhood, of being a bystander in life that is incapable of effecting change. Because the truth of the matter is you, as a conscious woman are one of the most powerful people on this planet. And we as conscious women, if we recognize the potency and the power we have just by standing in and inhabiting and embodying our visions, we have the capacity to change this world.
We have the capacity to change the vibration and the tone in our families, in our communities. And that is both our invitation and our call to action right now, particularly as we move into this year, we have not reached resolution. It will be a time before we have resolution of these many issues, challenges that we are in the midst of right now. So we take our passion, we take our vision and we let it inform our action. So in that vein, I have a parting image to leave you with. It comes from a story I heard recently about Joan of Arc from my spiritual mentor, Kaia Ra. And she was talking about when Joan led the French army into battle. And again, she was leading the French army into battle for the sovereignty of her people. She had received visions and messages from God that she was to lead her people to freedom.
This was in the midst of the 100 Years War, that she was instrumental in bringing it to a close. When she led the French army into battle, and she would be on her horse at the forefront while she had a sword, she was not holding her sword. As she went into battle, she was holding the banner. She was holding the flag of sovereignty. She was holding her vision for what they were creating together as she rode into battle. And I share that as a visual image, because for me, it is very potent and powerful to consider that we can move through the torrent of life right now, that is quite funky at best and intensely outrageous at worst. We can move forward holding the banner of our vision in whatever way is true for us in whatever way that looks for us. So my dear, as we bring this to a close, I want to thank you for being with me both today and in all the ways you’ve been with me over this last year, I offer a deep bow to the light and the master that lives within you. I bless you as you move forward into the coming year. And I remind you as always to trust what your heart knows.