One of our biggest obstacles to both true sisterhood and our own success is envy or jealousy. It’s been a part of our relationships with other women since we were girls. It’s been passed down as part of our legacy as women and it absolutely keeps us from our true sovereignty.
Throughout the ages, we’ve denied it, disowned it, masked it, cast it into the shadow – and maybe even fostered it.
In this August 2019 rerelease episode we’ll take a beyond the veil look at Envy and Jealousy and explore how it can bring you home to your personal power and heart and soul fulfillment. I’m getting vulnerable and sharing a personal story of my own walk with Envy.
We’ll also look at worthiness and how we can rise together in sisterhood.
This episode is part of the Divine Feminine Awakening series that provides emerging wisdom from my own journey of feminine awakening delivered episode by episode in real-time over the last 5 years. Through my present-day lens, I’ve chosen the most vital topics to revisit with you.
May you recognize and receive tools, wisdom and landmarks for your own journey of awakening.
Discussed in the episode:
- The truth about where envy and jealousy come from and how they have affected my life.
- How quickly things can change for the better when you learn how to be compassionate with yourself.
- How to see envy and jealousy as a massive nudge from the universe to give that space in your life some love and attention
- How by judging others for their successes, we are not creating the space for ourselves to succeed.
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Listen to An Inside Look at Envy by clicking the play button on the audio player below.
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Read the Full Transcript Here:
Welcome to Trust Your Sacred Feminine Flow. I’m your host, Joni Advent, spiritual midwife and transformational guide. So tomorrow will be my 55th birthday. So in honor of my birthday, I want to talk about an important subject. Envy and jealousy, the green eyed monster, and one of our curses as women, particularly in how we relate to each other in my experience. So I wanted to talk with you about this because it has been one of my challenges in life to deal with periodic bouts of envy or jealousy. And of course it flies in the face of my sense of who I am. And so I kept it buried. I made myself wrong for feeling that way and I shoved it to the shadow and I put on a good girl happy face. Like, Oh, I’m so pleased for you. I’m so happy for you. I’m so happy about your fulfilling relationship.
I’m so happy about how you’re prospering. I’m so happy about how well your child is doing. I’m so happy about the big vacation you’re taking. And meanwhile there was an undercurrent of subtle or not so subtle envy, particularly when I was in a hard place in my life or my relationship or my business or with raising my child. We all have those times. Here’s the thing, here’s the truth about envy and jealousy that I want to let you know about today, they are indicators when we can let ourselves see them clearly, they are indicators of places where we feel powerless and disconnected. Disconnected from our source of wellbeing, disconnected from our source of our creative power. That’s what they are, they’re symptoms. And they are places within us that need some love and attention and some assistance to get plugged back in to get plugged back in to our resources and our source and our personal power.
So I want you to hear that again because how much time do we waste judging ourselves and making ourselves wrong for something that is trying to get our attention and we know that it is such a powerful force of separation and competitiveness and it’s part of what keeps us not having access to the power that would be available through community and connection of rising together as women. When we’re in that place of envy and jealousy, then we’re not able to connect from our vulnerability and say, I see how well you’re doing. I’m so happy for you and I’m in a really hard place myself right now and I’m feeling disconnected from my power. It wasn’t very long ago. I had one of those experiences myself where I was in circle with a dear friend and she was just on fire, on fire with the creative work she’s bringing forward.
And it was coming through in some beautiful ways and coming to fruition in some powerful ways. And I was at one of those phases where things are falling apart and that’s what happens when things need to fall away in order for the new growth to happen to bring us to that stage of vitality. And I could feel that flash of envy and of jealousy go through, like why do I have to be in this state where things are decomposing, the wheels are falling off and I feel so disconnected and while my friend over there is seemingly having the high life for the good life, the gravy train has come in for her and it used to be that I believed it was about worth. I really believed that I was worthless and therefore good things were not coming into my life. I believe that false belief, false story.
I came by it honestly, but how long did I waste on that one? So again, that one kept me stuck for so long, believing I wasn’t worthy and having jealousy or envy of the people who were more together or have greater value and they got all the goodies and I got crap like that was part of the whole pond. I was swimming in the young girl as a young woman. Thankfully that has long been healed. But going back to my story with my friend when she was in the joy and elation of her very hard earned fruition. Like I know the stages she’s gone through to get to this point. I didn’t judge myself. That was like step number one of let’s turn the tide on this. I didn’t judge myself. I had a love and compassion for that place within me. Like, oh honey, I know.
I know how hard you’re working and I know how painful this is to feel so disconnected and frankly decomposed in so many ways. So when we can do that, when we can bring a love, compassion, kindness to those places within us who are just green with envy, then things can start to shift. Then we can begin to recognize both the way we can open to the resources in our life. And I will say for example, with that particular story that it was really in a matter of a few hours that things shifted powerfully for me because when I moved out of both the lie that I’m not worthy and that’s why she’s getting the good stuff and I’m sitting in a pile of crap. Uh, and when I move beyond judging myself for having those feelings or, or denying them, hiding them in the back of the closet and putting on the happy face, like, oh, I’m so happy for you and your great success.
Once you walk through those doors, you can get to the point of loving, compassionate support for yourself, for you can, you can hold the reflection and see the reflection. You have the capacity to create the very thing you’re longing for because envy and jealousy are an indication that there’s longing, that your heart is longing for something. And I believe and know that if our heart and soul are longing for something, we have the capacity to create it. It may be a process, it may be a growth process. It may be a development of skills process. But I know that deep in my core that if you’re longing for something in your life and you haven’t seen it come into fruition or you’re stuck in a place of hopelessness, I am here to tell you you have the capacity to create it in your life. It may not look exactly like the form that your mind has in mind that it pictures, but I am telling you the essence of it will be at least as good if not better than what you’re looking at and envying right now.
So beloved, if and when you notice the envy or the jealousy coming up in your life, I want to encourage you to take it seriously, to see it as a massive nudge from your heart and your soul and a reminder that there are places that need both loving, compassionate attention and tenderness that cultivating or working with a practice of how can I plug in to more resource? How can I access my power? Find the ways that you can access that personal power and if you need support with that, get it. It is one of my most powerful gifts and I would be delighted and honored to support you with that. So beloved, when the envy comes up, when the jealousy comes up, envelop yourself to the extent in loving arms, or imagine that the great mother is holding you, embracing you, and perhaps giving you a gentle kiss on top of your head or on your cheek and saying, sweetheart, you too can have this.
You too can have this. You deserve this. You have a right to this. You have a right to create what your heart and soul desires. You can access the potency, the power, and the skills to create it in your life. No need to judge or make yourself wrong or bad and certainly no need to hide it, no need to put on a mask or to pretend that those feelings don’t exist. It is an opportunity to open up, to be more vulnerable with those that are trustworthy and safe and to say, I’m struggling with this. I feel happy for you, and it feels hard to not have it in my own life. That builds connection as opposed to separation. It keeps us out of the place of either pride or having to tear the other person down or make them wrong and bad for having whatever it is going right in their life or whatever it is they’re creating.
Oh, and couldn’t we all use more true and honest, deep connection, celebration and honoring of each other or each other’s success and gifts and blossoming so that we’re free to do it ourselves. Because that, of course, is another component that to the extent we judge others for having success, then we don’t feel permission to succeed on our own. And we get stuck in this vicious cycle of pride, this distorted version of pride or judgment of others who are enjoying success. And it keeps us out of our power in our ability to create our own, to create our own fulfillment, success, satisfaction. And let’s today let’s be done with that. Let’s make a vow today to let that one go and be done with it and to start taking first the compassionate action towards yourself to keep you from ever having to go down that road again. So beloved. On that note, I’m sending you my love deep bow and the invitation to always trust what your heart knows.