What lies beyond I’m not enough?

What lies beyond I’m not enough?

Hello Love, I have a story for you.   Just imagine you’re on a journey through the woods. While there are many paths, you choose a well-worn one that leads to a clearing and then abruptly stops. You stand staring at a wall with a bolted gate.   The sign on the gate reads, I’m not Enough” and it stops you in your tracks.   You can see there’s a whole other world beyond the gate but you’re not sure how to get there. You backtrack into the woods and try another path but you discover it feeds into the same well-worn path that ends at the gate. You try again and again with the same result. Until it seems you’re stuck and you make yourself comfortable – or at least a little numb – and start to forget there’s anything beyond the gate of “I’m not Enough”.   Until one day the light breaks from beyond the gate and you feel a stirring of curiosity as you remember there’s a whole other world over there.   You start to dream what it could be like to dwell in that world, the one beyond, “I’m not Enough”.  You begin to: To recognize you were created to thrive.  To move with absolute confidence and freedom.  To feel loved, valued and appreciated exactly as you are. To express yourself fully and without the slightest reservation.   In your reverie you find a celebration on your behalf. Those gathered have waited a long time for your arrival and are delighted to tend to your every need. They see your unique essence and...
Recognize the Gift

Recognize the Gift

When I listen to my sacred feminine soul today she whispers relax. Be easy with yourself. Receive the exquisite beauty of the green moss at your feet and the snow melting on the branch. She slows me down when I get ahead of myself and opens me to the invisible threads connecting me with all life. She guides and inspires me with my simple concerns and my hearts deep desires.    The sad thing is for years I was deeply ashamed of my essence even as she was woven into every fiber of my being. I believed it was my biggest problem – my sensitivity, my deep emotions, and my tender heart. Not to mention my body. It was messy and out of my control. It all made me feel weird and vulnerable. Like I could never quite fit in.   So I tried to cut her off and become what was applauded and approved of. I watched the contempt and denigration of the feminine in my home, my church and the world around me. I attracted people and experiences that trashed the feminine within me. I believed the lies and felt for years I’m not enough.    I learned to put on the mask and try to fit in to relationships and institutions that didn’t “get” me. Or see the value in my sensitivity or deep emotions. It left me feeling even more insecure and self-critical.   How about you? Do you struggle with self-judgment and doubt? Do you work to hold it all together yet feel unworthy or not enough deep inside? Do you look to others...
What’s Your Magic Number?

What’s Your Magic Number?

I hopped on the scale the other day out of curiosity.   I was feeling strong and alive in my body from the increased swimming and paddle boarding of summer. Perhaps I had lost a few pounds.   With shock and surprise the scale indicated my weight was at an all time high. I hadn’t seen that number on the scale since I was pregnant with my daughter.   I’m on the other side of the big birthday that comes at midlife so my body has been changing over the last year or so which included some incremental weight gain. By and large I’ve been at peace with these changes. While not perfect I eat well and get regular exercise so my weight has not been that big of a concern.   I don’t like to admit it but stepping on that scale and seeing that number initiated a panic in me.   I had passed the magic number in my mind that tells me I’m okay – that I’m worthwhile and desirable.   It got me thinking about all the other magic numbers we as women have acquired in our lives. Those are the numbers that keep us feeling safe, desirable and worthy of love and well-being.   How about you? Do you know your magic number?   Perhaps it’s the balance in your bank account; your jean size, or bra size; your age; your ZIP code; your salary; the items completed on your to do list; the number of likes on your Facebook post; or your child’s class rank?   Do you think about them often or...
Is an Apology Really Necessary?

Is an Apology Really Necessary?

Hello Lovely,   My first and only daughter just went back to school this week. While she’s very excited and a little bit nervous I’m noticing another extra layer of stress she didn’t always carry. She’s at that awkward and tender stage of becoming a young woman and seems to feel perpetually exposed and preoccupied with how she’s measuring up. While I understand this shift can go with the territory I can’t help but grieve. She used to be the vivacious and confident girl who attempted a mutiny in her kindergarten class when she felt it was being run too much like the marine corp.   As her mom it has been especially challenging to watch that powerhouse of a girl morph into a young woman who doubts and questions herself and has begun to say “I’m sorry” chronically.   To say it touched a nerve is an understatement. It reawakened an age old pain of not feeling good enough. I did years of hard time in the prison of unworthiness, insignificance, and insecurity. I spent years chronically apologizing in one way or another for who I was.   So hearing my daughter begin the apologies stoked my fire. It made me angry. I had wanted to insulate her from the legacy of apology and not feeling enough so many of us carry as women.   I am so tired of women I know and women I love and women I’ve never met apologizing for who they are. I walk through the grocery store and a woman passes before me and says, “I’m sorry.” And lately I want to tell...

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